I’m in a funk. A weird feeling of despair where I want to get in my car and drive away and never come back. This feeling has been here for a while, but now it is even more present. There are too many things that I have to do here, my life is here but my mind is constantly wandering to something that could be better.

On a different topic, when did it become socially acceptable to treat fat people like shit? This month has made me feel more self conscious than ever before. A girl in my art class moves her chair in every time that I walk behind her, I normally would be pleased that someone cared that much but when there is 2 feet of space behind her, I want to tell her that my ass is not that big. But then again it might be that she is taking a college class that her mom signed her up for, I hate being annoyed by most average 20 year olds.

And when did men begin to believe that a heavy women with high self esteem is flirting with them, just because I joke with a lot of the guys at work, they all think I want to jump their bones. In the past week have I said “I’m fat not desperate” to about 5 guys at work, oh and one 45 year old guy who thought I would love to know what a good lover he is. I wanted to ask him if that was after he had to take Viagra but that would be mean. I was nice though, I let him know that he was younger than my dad.

This is truly getting obnoxious; I now have 3 places to post livejournal, http://fatwaitress.blogspot.com/ and now myspace I might just leave myspace blank though, it seems too much like following the crowd. Anyone reading this I recommend the link above. It’s just the coolest.