Benefit of the Doubt

It’s strange to me that everyone has a different amount of care that they put into a job, most people feel the need to walk everywhere they go, and hope that others around them will finish the job that they are too lazy to finish. I have never really been one of those people, my last boss told me that I liked to run only to turn around and wonder where everyone fucking was, I crave being valued but for some reason at my current job nothing seems like enough, the more I try the more my boss makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Those two words mean the world to me and instead of finding something that is good about what I do, he insists on breaking me down. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt for his reasoning in acting this way towards me but I am truthfully beginning to wonder if the girls that he find to be his “best of the best” would be treated differently if they looked like me.

I know I’m rough around the edges; my feminist qualities tend to get in the way because I do not find the value in someone just looking attractive as to why they are better at my job than I am. I cannot have conversations with most of the people I work with because their views differ from mine on so many different levels. I could give two shits about expensive clothing, and standing around talking about how you think that you need butt implants is not something that I care to even know about, let alone pretend is something exciting. I love makeup, which is probably the only thing that I can talk about with my fellow co-workers, but I love it for its ability to accentuate my favorite features, not because I wish to hide the things I hate about myself, because I don’t hate anything about myself. And for last but not least, I am pale, I was born pale I will die pale and there is no fucking way that I will go tanning with you.

I want to know where all of the educated un-materialistic hard working women are in the world. Why are they all hiding and why are none of them servers where I work? Where can I find the people that value a woman having a brain instead of a perfect body and the inability to articulate? I feel lost in this place where I have no one to talk about the things that are going around in my head, let alone feel the want to go to work where my bosses seem to feel that my personality is not what they want at their bar. I feel like it’s in some sort of time warp, 1950’s anyone?

One good thing about this whole issue, I feel the need to blog. Up next, I am going to write about all of the exciting hits I’ve been getting from my site meter.