I try to live my life believing that if I die tomorrow, the person I am is how people know me. Although I understand it is very hard for someone to achieve because the small inch of my life that people know me in is hard to compare to the mile that I have actually lived. One of my managers was talking to me about what kind of server I want to be after having a table that just was in a bad mood when they arrived and left giving me a bad tip just because. It was funny that with a few words he summed me up in a way that I don’t mind being know as, the “bitchy waitress with a heart of gold that everyone loves.” Although I would switch out bitchy with assertive and knows what she wants.
What I know is that the person I am and the person that I let people know are two very different individuals. It’s hard to explain to people what it’s like to build up such a large wall around yourself in fear of being hurt, its even harder to bring it down when there is someone that you truly want to know you inside and out. The last person that I have taken the time to allow for that to happen was my best friend in middle school and high school but after that I have allowed myself to slowly stop letting people in.
By this time in my life the only people I see are my classmates who never ask about me, and my co-workers who I adore but never have the time for them to truly get to know. I like knowing people, knowing their story, where they were and where they want to go but for some reason things like that are not very important to most people.
Maybe I’m the only person that wonders what others would say about them if they were not around tomorrow.