Two days after Christmas I woke up at 7am, an ungodly hour for me to wake up since that meant I had only slept 4 hours and I stumbled into my eye doctor for my yearly check up before driving off to the mall to spend all of my gift cards that I got for Christmas.

Now I love makeup, but I am the type of person that pretty much hates talking to the people who work at Sephora unless it involves them finding something for me. Since I got there at 11 am I was the only person in the store and the girl working the door asked me if I had any “beauty resolutions,” like I actually planned on buying more crap from them than I already do. I just laughed and then declined letting someone give me a make over. I have a rule that if the person who works at Sephora looks like they cannot put makeup on themselves, how in the hell are they going to put it on me?

Anyway back on topic, I was wandering the store, looking for lip gloss since I feel left out at work when all of my co-workers whip their lip gloss out at the beginning of the shift and smother their lips with gloss, and found something that almost made me throw the tester on the ground and stomp on it in anger.

FUZE Slenderize Guilt Free Lip Gloss

Quench your thirst for a beauty buzz with FUZE Slenderize Guilt Free Gloss. Infused with the healthy, delicious fruit flavors and appetite curbing energy boasting ingredients found in FUZE Slenderize beverages. One Delicious dab on the lips will give you a taste of what all the Hollywood starlets are losing it over! Always on the lips, never on the hips!

Maybe its me, maybe my brain has developed to have higher brain power than the average female that shops at Sephora because next to me, as I tried to control my anger, two girls were so excited that they could wear lip gloss that would help them lose weight.

My first thought is how desperate is Too Faced for making a lip gloss with the explicit idea that they want their end users to lose weight. My second thought was wondering if there is someone out there that eats their lip gloss.

The idea that lip gloss could help someone lose weight is so far fetched that I cannot even believe that this is being produced. With the idea that the active ingredients in the lip gloss is what is so slenderizing it really makes me wonder if someone would ingest enough of the lip gloss for it to have any effect on the user. So the idea that you would literally have to eat the lip gloss for any of the active ingredients to get into your system just makes me laugh.

Then I googled the product and found a blog by someone who seriously needs some help, Beauty Blogging Junkie wrote,

Last night I applied some before dinner and ate a slightly smaller amount than usual. Then, this morning, I applied some before my morning commute to work. As a gal who usually lunches at noon (even when I eat breakfast), I was pretty stunned when I didn’t feel the need to grab food until 1:45pm. It’s true that I was busy… but I’m just saying. I usually never eat later than 1pm.

So now this lip gloss is an appetite suppressant?

Then Sephora.com got on my I fucking hate you list when they listed their “Beauty Resolutions: Make 2008 the most gorgeous year yet.” Guess what I found, listed 4th on their resolutions was “I will lose weight” with Too Faced’s lip gloss and the caption,

This resolution is hardly original. But when beauty is involved, we’ll jump on any bandwagon. Too Faced’s new gloss packs wondrous ingredients that promote appetite-normalization. Swipe it on your lips to help kiss those unwanted pounds goodbye.

I think it’s just the idea that a makeup distributor is not only advertising its product by saying how much more “sexy and beautiful” you will be but you will also lose weight.

Next up eye shadow that will blind you so you cannot see food. Lets see how much more irrational thinking we can have for the year 2008.