Becoming Your Own Activist

The idea of New Year’s resolutions to me has never seemed like something I wanted to do; it was in a way saying that I need to wait until a new year has begun to do the things I wanted to with my life. The truth is that if you want to change something about your life do it when it feels right. Don’t wait until everyone changes something that they want to resolve to do but change it because it has become important to you, or you see that it is necessary for your own happiness.

A few weeks ago I had a discussion with my roommate about the way I live my life, I am so comfortable being an activist for the politics that I believe are important, but find it difficult to be an activist for the life that I want and the relationships I want to have. I often allow others to choose how I spend time with them, being ok with the lack of caring they have for me when I would go to the limit for them. I am that type of person, you ask me for something and I will do it, no matter what.

What this comes down to is that it is draining for me to continue on like this. There are certain people who make me feel mentally drained when I am around them and that is not ok. I want to actively pursue my own happiness and with that it means that sometimes I have to choose to do things my own way.

With all this in mind, I have created a list of points that I want to work on from now until whenever I master them. They are something that can be used a a guidebook in how to have a successful relationship / friendship etc.

  1. Create standards that others in your life are aware of – Tell people your belief system, the things that hurt your feeling (proudly), and what are topics that you don’t want discussed in your presence. An explanation might be necessary to let them know why you don’t enjoy what they are talking about, and this is where preparing a speech beforehand works perfect. While you might not be able to declare that certain subjects are off topic, I find the most insulting are the use of words that I clearly am offended by used in my presence. These are no goes.
  2. Surround yourself with people who wholeheartedly support your passions and interests – I say this without stating that they have to agree with them. The truth is that if someone truthfully cares for you, the differences between you can be put aside most of the time and should be if they respect you as a person. If they truthfully care for you, they will want to know what your doing, and actually allow you to talk about it.
  3. Set standards on how you expect to be treated – This again comes down to personal respect, the only way others can understand how you feel is if you communicate it to them effectively.
  4. Make yourself number 1 – In the end if this doesn’t work, or a relationship is too stressful to make it worth it for you, leave. It doesn’t do anyone any good if you hate being around people, but refuse to tell them or yourself that you don’t want to be there.

I have come to the conclusion that I know this will mean certain people in my life will probably no longer be there, but if they valued me as I valued them I think theses simple terms shouldn’t scare them away. Sometimes it takes someone, such as my roommate or another outside source to give you a truthful perspective of the situation. What that means for me is that I don’t communicate to people about how I expect to be treated, so they have no clue that it is even an issue.

Mastering effective communication for one please…

10 Days Late and 5 Years Later

I started my blog 5 years ago, 10 days ago. It’s strange to think that in the past 5 years so many things has made me solidify my own personal believes as a fat rights activist. I’m no longer “kinda involved in fat acceptance,” as I use to say or not even mention it for fear of backlash.

This blog has never been just about fat rights, it has been the culmination my last 5 years of thoughts, obsessions (like John Mayer, ew) and passions. I changed from wanting this to help only myself to now hoping I can help others with a place to come together with like minded people, like Love Your Body Detroit, to changing my entire career path to help educate others about oppression issues.

I still face the question of whether or not this space can actually do any good, the truth is that I still don’t know if it has, but it has helped me sort out my own thoughts and find a more concrete opinion. Another truth is that I don’t care, if you have personally found that something I have written has helped your own personal life journey then splendid and if not that’s fine too. This is not me telling you how you should believe or how you should act; this is me telling you that there is a different way of thinking that you might not have contemplated. We often find ourselves moving along in life not following our own path but the one that we think we should follow based on what society, family, or friends feel is right. If I actually still listened to other people, I would probably be majoring in graphic design and severely depressed.

But back to the point, I started the space hoping that I could change one person, to create a tidal wave of radical thought, for that one person to go out and tell another person and so on. A sort of pay it forward political movement style. So, for the two people who read this blog, I am giving you homework.

You have 5 years to tell as many people as you can about fat rights (or any other political movement) and what it means to you. If you must start out with your cat or dog, hell a goldfish if that works for you, but just tell someone. See where it takes you personally and see what it changes about them.

Oh Really Kanye West?

Normally I can just turn off a video or music that I consider is so incredibly horrible, like  Katy Perry’s ‘California Girls,’ but the sneak preview for Kanye West’s new video ‘Monster’ is so distressing to me that my capability to stop reading into the images shown in the 35 second clip is nonexistent. The descriptions of the video made before the clip was released talked about it being a horror video comparable to Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ but nothing I have seen is trying to scare as much as disturb.

The only chilling part of the video is the quantity of deceased women that appear to be strewn about with absolutely no regard for them. Women hang from the ceiling seemingly hung to death while Rick Ross casually smokes a cigar, another women appears to be sat on under the cushions of the couch that Jay-Z appears in front of. On top of all of this Kayne West is in bed with two more deceased women, one of which he goes to kiss before placing her hand over the crotch of the other women.

Not only are all of these women dead but also they are virtually naked, most of them wearing skin colored lingerie. This whole video goes beyond just merely dehumanizing these women, who all appear to be victims of a vicious and violent act, turning them not just into objects but inanimate objects to be used, dominated and violated however Kanye West would please.

If you would like to see the clip it is pretty easy to find. I just would rather not even link to it.

Hands Over Eyes

Some days I would like to hide from the world. The one where I am constantly reminded that I need to fit into a box that I am too fat to fit in. The one where I should count my calories like a good fatty and lose weight so men will want me.

Thus making me socially acceptable.

Some days I want to cover my eyes, turn off my ears and just be peaceful in the moment that I am living without society telling me how to live my life. So no one tells me how fattening what I have chosen to eat or a random object gives me unsolicited dieting advice.

Some days I just want to grow on my own.